Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
