I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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