At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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