Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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