I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
