it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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