your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
