I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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