Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
