My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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