Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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