Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize