sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
