Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
