at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
