Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
