I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
