Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Randomize