Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
