my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
