I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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