im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
