She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
