I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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