Dual....:-)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
