if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
