Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
