I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
