Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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