she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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