my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
