Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
