Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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