Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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