Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize