dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
false alarm, still single
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
