everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
