Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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