I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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