So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
