I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
