I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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