It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
