I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
