I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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