dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
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