you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
