Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
