Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
