sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize