somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
