3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
