If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize