its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
