they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
