I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
