Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
