Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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