hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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