I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
