dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
