Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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