Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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