I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
