i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
