Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Farmville is her only friend.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
