we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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