you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
