if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
