You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
