how can u be prego again
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize