Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
