Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
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