At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
