Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
