yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We named our party play list daddy issues
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
