I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
