I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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