so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize