Tell her she can't have a vagina
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
