shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
