She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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