there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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