my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
