Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
