Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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