the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize