my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
